Saturday, February 18, 2012

A Week of Cheers, Jeers and Tears

This week my school's University week had just ended and I'm having mixed emotions. It started out as a great week and ended in a stalemate. I was actually excited for this year's University week since it'll be my last University week and I wanted to do experience everything that I can possibly experience. I'm a hopeful graduate in 2013 and I don't think I'll be able to celebrate in DLSU once I start working. I'm aiming to graduate by February 2013, if that day would even come, and I'll be a busy body by that time. I won't have time to go to the University week and just enjoy it. It won't be the same.

I have a lot of regrets and some of those regrets I don't think I'll ever erase in my heart. I know, it sounds cheesy and stupid since it's just a University week. How awesome can a small university celebration be? I guess it's not the celebration per say that I'm aiming for but the experience I'll get out of it. I think that's been my aim since I was a kid. I wanted to experience so many things but I was unable to do them. Taekwando, ballet, being a varsity student, theater, and generally speaking a life I've always wanted to live. I never had that privilege. I always lived under a certain standard and limit that I cannot push past.
Fireworks in DLSU by Andrew Pamorada
I live in a life that should always follow rules and limits that sometimes I can't understand but always follow. I tried fighting it, I tried feigning ignorance but I can never avoid or defeat it. I'll always be subjected under this limit and I can never escape. I can't escape not because I haven't tried but I just can't. I can't bear the thought of undergoing it's consequences and truthfully, I'm afraid of it's consequences. So, at the end of this week I reflected and found out that I quit. I give up. I can't fight anymore. I can never win against this limit. Not in this time at least.

I resolved that I'll just do what ever they want. I can't fight someone that controls my life and holds my life under a tight rope. If I fight again, I might not be able to help myself and finish it all. I'm tired of fighting for what I want and for what others have and already experience. I'm tired and I've lost the will to fight. I've given up so many things just to keep the peace and I guess giving myself up is something I have to do. I really just can't win this fight.
ESA friends and IS major mates having a fish lunch
Imagine, in a span of 5 days I had that resolve. Actually, I've contemplated on rebelling and living life the way that I wanted but then I thought I didn't want to severe our ties. I can't make myself rebel because I treasure what I have even if it gives me constant pain. So, I give up and let them control me. I remember my friends saying that it's too much and it's not even reasonable anymore. I know that and I agree but I just can't let this one go. I'm a coward.

Hahaha! Anyway, I'll cut the sad and sappy tone here and show you guys some of the things I did experience during this week that made me happy, extremely and utterly happy. And I have to thank my friends for that. They've always been my solace and my escape when things get rough but also, they're the reason why I hurt. But I'll always be thankful for them for they keep me sane and put me back to shape. When I'm unstable, they're there to put me back to sanity and keep me going. So, to my friends that's reading this blog... Thanks guys. I love you.
Jerold, Me & Mandy hanging out in Yuchengco 2nd floor during our lunch break
I'll end my post here since it's really long but I'll be posting shortly my Haunted Hall 3 by the Harlequin Theater Guild experience and also my International Cultural Night experience this week. So, keep posted you guys and don't forget to follow me through GFC or Bloglovin. :) 

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