Thursday, December 29, 2011

Things Change, Shit Happens

The year is almost at its end and as I look back at how this year had fared I realized that it was one of my most exhausting, disappointing and epiphany filled year ever. At the start of this year I had a boyfriend and I thought it could surpass the test of time and all of our adversities but I guess I was wrong. I'll be ending the year single but I really don't mind since I do like being single. I'm happier now than I was way back in January. Truth is, I was miserable at the start of the year. All I did was cry and cry and cry some more. I was really miserable and I blamed it all on everybody else and not myself but now things have changed. I'm more confident with myself and I've tried to care less about what others see me and just be myself. I try not to pretend that I'm someone else and just live my life according to my beliefs. I voice them out when I have the courage to do so and when I do, I feel tremendously happy. It's liberating!

I now see my crimes and although I do not regret them I still think of them as lessons learned. I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for my mistakes in the past. Even if I might have severed some ties, I did make new ones. I've lost interest in things and yet gained new ones. I think this year had been a year of getting to know myself and actually growing up. I've made a lot of mistakes and some mistakes I admit, I do regret but you know what? I was happy when I did all of those mistakes and it just proves a Filipino saying, "Nasa huli ang pagsisisi" or it is at the end when you will regret everything, or something like that. I don't want to point any fingers anymore but I will focus on myself more. I'll do my best or at least try to do my best with whatever I do. I think being able to realize and see how wrong I was is a start. I can't change in a snap, no one can, but I will try to do what I think is right and what is needed to be done. I won't let my feelings take over anymore and mess up everything that I have.

I think that's the only regret I have with my life. I was weak and I was naive but I won't be like that anymore. I've got my head on my shoulder and I won't float away. I won't be that girl that fucked up everything in her life. I'm gonna be strong and keep fighting. I won't let anyone ruin my life even if that means being single for awhile. I'll choose someone that's better and someone who can provide for what I need and not be insecure with what I have. I deserve better. You deserve better. We all deserve better. I don't think I can go back to who I am way back when I started this year and I don't want to go back. I'll start the year in a good tone and that's by spending time with family. I need to fix everything in my life, thus "OPERATION: FIX LIFE" the title of my blog is still relevant. I need to fix things and I will constantly fix everything until everything is back to normal and my family knows who I really am and who I have become.

I think that's it. Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get it out of my chest and I think I need this to constantly remind me of the person I was before the year had started. Thanks for reading it guys.

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1 comment:

  1. That's okay, sweetie. Greet the new year with a smile. :)

    Btw, saw you posted your blog in Teentalk. Wanna follow each other? :)



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