Monday, July 11, 2011

Getting by Life

I have made blogging my own way of releasing myself from all the tension, pressure and even the frustration that I have with my life. I try to be positive and to live my life as normal and happy as possible but sometimes, I just get to a point where I feel so shitty. I'm nowhere near my ideal disposition in life and I'm envious of all those who are happy and content with their lives. I have to say that, I lie. I am not content or ecstatic with my life. I may be at times but most of the time, I feel like shit.

I just recently had my 18th birthday and I have to say that it was shit. I felt like shit and even though I try to stay positive and think about the negative stuffs and turn it into positive thoughts, I just can't. Not with the way I felt after that day. I can't believe that even my own relatives could boycott my birthday celebration. I have yet again, been scared by their insensitivity. I don't want to shove it in their faces that I was disappointed but it hurts. I expected better. I expected them to be at the least, sensitive on what I might feel if they did what they had done. It was just painful.

I have to admit, I am a very sensitive person even though I do hide it to others from time to time but that is no excuse for anyone, and I mean anyone, to do such a horrible thing on a person's birthday. I have trust issues and what they did to me made me trust them a little bit less. It's just fucking distasteful. I wanted to throw things, cry and just hide myself away from all of them. I was so happy. I was looking forward to that day and them not showing up or even doing something as to make me think they are going but they didn't makes my blood boil. I guess to them, blood is never thicker. I don't want to be rude or anything, but I just hated how I was treated on the day of my birthday celebration.

I hope to anyone that is reading this right now that you will never do anything like that to any of your relatives. It doesn't matter if you are not close to that person, all you have to do is be civil and educated to know the proper manners and courtesy of making someone feel special on their birthday! IT'S THEIR FUCKING BIRTHDAY FOR GOD'S SAKE!

I'm just very disappointed. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blog something like this but I just can't help it. It has just affected me too much that if I do not say this to anybody, I'll go berserk. My 18th birthday had gone past and I feel like shit. I didn't have a wow memory. I didn't even feel anything. I guess fixing my life is harder that I thought. Everything is harder than I thought. I just hope I could still do this kind of shit and take shit from them a little more. I need patience and understanding. I just need to be forgiving. But one thing is for sure, I will never forget what they have done.


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Renee ♥

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