Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Uncertain Future

I'm afraid for what might come in the following term. I've just seen my grade and I've failed a major class. I'm scared that I might not finish my course and that I might actually be more delayed than I am now. I'm so afraid of the consequences. I don't want to fail. I'm scared about what my mom might say. I'm so scared of what could happen, all of the plans that she had made for me. All of those people expecting me to be the best. I'm so scared. I don't want to be a burden to them, but I guess that it's already late for that. I don't even think I deserve what they've given me.

I'm still not sure if all of my subjects have a failing mark, but I guess this means that I won't be using Tumblr often next term. I have to be disciplined. I have to make it right. I guess this is the problem with me. I'm an inconsistent fuck. I need to get it straight of I'll lose everything. I don't want that to happen, who even does want that to happen? I'm a failure as a daughter and even a more failure as a student. How can this even get better? HOW?

So sorry for my fucking pessimism but I just can't help it. I've been failing time and time again. I need my next term to be a payback. Everyone who ever shot me down or broke me will pay. I swear that on my fucking uterus. I'll succeed in this. I'll work hard. I have to. I have to work hard.


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