Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Just a Thought

Do you really believe that we are still in love with each other or are we just in love with the concept of finding love. I know you’ve been constantly telling me that I am the one for you, that I’m gonna be the woman that’ll bear your children and be with you ‘till eternity. But how can you be so sure? I know we’ve been together for almost 2 years now. I know you’ve always been there for me. I know you’re intentions are pure, but why do I have a feeling like something has changed between us.

I have this feeling like we’re drifting apart. It is as if you’re moving in a state in our relationship that I just can’t commit fully right now. Maybe it’s because I’m younger than you. Or maybe I still have a lot of things on my mind and I feel like I need to do a lot of things that I can’t do when you’re there. I’m scared that if ever I let go of you, you might not come back. Or when the time comes that I’m ready and fully committed, you’re already tired and have given up. I don’t want that. I never want us to fall apart. You’re the rock that I’ve been holding on since then. But then this got me thinking. Am I really staying because I love you or is it because I’ve been so accustomed of you being there to support me. You’re becoming the routine not the reason for living.

I know you might read this sooner or later ‘cause I know you stalk my Tumblr, but I hope you understand. I’m just in a point in my life where I need a breath of fresh air. I told you before that I wanted to find myself, the real me. I want to become a person that is worth loving. I want to have confidence in myself that a guy would really love me. I want to be like you that knows who he is, what to believe in, and sees where he’ll go in life. I want to be like that. I want to have a mind of my own. And I don’t think I can achieve that when you’re there saying that I’m okay with who I am now. Frankly, I’m not satisfied with myself yet. I want to do more. I want to have more time. I want to nurture myself before I can nurture you.

I hope you’ll never think that this is your fault or you’re the cause of the problem because you’re not. I’m the one that uncertain here. I’m the one at fault. I’m sorry.


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Renee ♥

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