Saturday, December 21, 2013

Distance



That is a screenshot of an episode in Buffy the Vampire Slayer called, Angel. And that man right there is Angel, you guys might know him for the series Bones, Angel, and if you're like me in Buffy. I just wanted to share this to you guys because this scene really tugged my heart. This is the episode where Buffy found out that Angel, the mysterious fellow that warns her every time there's trouble ahead, is a vampire. As you know, Buffy likes Angel but then he's a vampire and she's a vampire slayer so it's best if they kept it platonic.

I love how Angel looked at Buffy. The torment and pain in his eyes, it was beautiful. Have you guys ever had that sinking feeling in your chest as if your heart was breaking, as if it was so heavy, and as if someone was crushing it all at the same time? I know I have. I get it every time I see someone that I love leave for the first time or they're going somewhere I can't go and for a long time. Actually, no. You get that feeling whenever you see someone you love leave. End of story. That's just it.

It happens to me a lot actually, since I'm a very emotionally in-tuned person. I love people easily. I care for others easily. I think I'm just a real softy. Being with someone, liking their company a lot, and suddenly having to part from them... It's hard. You just want them close to you but you can't do anything but go. You know you'll see them again but still, the feeling is there. I think that's what I'm feeling right now...

I hate the fact that I'm away from the people I love but you have to suck it up. I'll be spending time with my family and when the holiday season ends, I'll be back in Taft with my friends. I know. All this mushy stuff I'm posting is because of my sepanx (separation anxiety) with them. Hahahaha! Hope you guys have a great holiday season! xx

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Never Knew What's Missing

Hey you guys. I just wanted to share some thoughts on how a person never really knows what they're missing out on until they've finally tasted it. I have a lot of things on my bucket list that I've yet to cross out and although I want to do them, there's no sense of urgency to actually fulfilling it. Then there are some things  on my list that I can't do on my own.

I never really wanted things in my life that I believed I could never get. I think it's one of my mechanisms so I wouldn't get hurt. I know you guys most probably have the same mechanism or you get my reasoning. I just don't want to get disappointed by something that's too far to attain. Believe it or not, I've been through a lot even for my young age. I won't compare myself with others that have been through serious problems but I did have my fair share.

I just realized that it's so hard to imagine yourself to be in another place or in another situation where you are in now. How can you know that having a richer family would be better for you if you don't know how that feels like? Or maybe how this guy would be better for you than your boyfriend now. You just don't know what it would feel like. So...

I just realized that I should be happy for everything that I have right now and every thing that has happened to me. I shouldn't wish that I was someone else or be embarrassed of what I've gone through. It was all part of my bigger picture and my role as person living in this world.

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