Hello dears. I have been absent from this blog for a long time but I've been very active on my Instagram account. I was in one of my moods once again and I didn't know how to start blogging again. I guess, I'm just fueled by my emotions and the amount of time I spend with my laptop. I haven't opened my laptop in a long time, hence my absence in my blog. I'm writing right now because I miss you guys and I'm a bit down. I needed the comfort of the Internet and maybe, even from you guys.
I don't want my latest post to be so full of feelings but I just needed to let some of my emotions out. I feel so many things that I can't even put them into words or even have the audacity to voice it out. I feel like exploding, self-combusting, and generally annihilating myself. No, I'm not suicidal. I am more likely to lash out or cry than to actually kill myself. Suicide is the easy way out and it's never the answer. I just feel like I want to scream my lungs out and let all these feeling inside me out. I feel so frustrated that I can't even breath properly.
My reasons are so shallow that it makes me even more frustrated with myself. I want to break away and just get lost somewhere. I want to get lost, find myself, and maybe when I return everything will be alright but I know that's not gonna happen. Nothing in this world fixes itself. It's either someone fixes it for you or you fix it yourself. I don't know if I can fix the problem, the actual "root" problem, but I do hope that everything will eventually be fine. I don't like the fact that I can't breath properly and I feel like I want to cry at the same time stab myself repeatedly on the thigh just to alleviate the pain in my heart.
I don't want the pain but I can't let go of the person that's giving this much pain to my heart. I'm overreacting but maybe I'm not. One problem with me is that, I am sensitive to such things. I know when things are shitty for real or if they're just a little shitty but blown out of proportion. I wan this pain to go away but I don't know how to do it without the harsh confrontation. I just can't handle those anymore. This pain just cripples me. It started out with a lame and petty reason but now it is in full blown upscale in my head. I have made my own poison and it kills me bit by bit.
I just don't know anymore. I can't think straight. Thank you guys for being my sponge. Thank you.
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