Sunday, April 10, 2011

After Hiatus

Hello dearests!  I’ve come from a semi-lengthy hiatus due to these things. I’ve practically made mess of everything I should have been hanging on to, which is my studies, my vocabulary, my family, and most importantly my life. I can’t seem to focus on anything anymore. I mean, I can focus for like 1 or 2 weeks or so but then I’ll suddenly have this episode of blur and distraught after. I really can’t seem to be in focus. Maybe it’s because of my lack of commitment to what I’m doing or maybe it’s because I don’t seem to find things interesting anymore. All of it seems so mechanical, so robotic, so clerical. I hate repetition and all things that are non-challenging.  I’m not saying that I don’t find things challenging, especially with a course like mine. Fuck. Speaking of my course, I’m hating how my mom’s guilt tripping me on finishing me double course and not really getting how I feel about my accountancy. I mean, I do understand that she just wants the best for me and accountancy really is one of the best courses out there. I just don’t understand why she can’t accept the fact that I don’t like accountancy. I want to study Advertising. I know some people might say, it’s for the elite of the upper to high-middle class section of the society but why can’t I at least try? Am I not talented enough? I don’t think so, since she herself said that I do have some talent but she just won’t accept that I want to shift. It frustrates me to know that I can’t become someone that I’ve already pictured myself doing in, let’s say 5-10 years from now.  I’m sorry for ranting. I just couldn’t help expressing myself and just typing away. Anyway, so there. That’s basically what’s been boggling my mind for the past few weeks. I hope you guys are okay and thank you for still being here, as my followers and confidant. I love you guys, even though I don’t know some of you personally and we are miles and miles apart. Thank you my dear followers and good night, or good morning to those that are in a different time zone! :)  xoxo

Hello dearests!

I’ve come from a semi-lengthy hiatus due to these things. I’ve practically made mess of everything I should have been hanging on to, which is my studies, my vocabulary, my family, and most importantly my life. I can’t seem to focus on anything anymore. I mean, I can focus for like 1 or 2 weeks or so but then I’ll suddenly have this episode of blur and distraught after. I really can’t seem to be in focus. Maybe it’s because of my lack of commitment to what I’m doing or maybe it’s because I don’t seem to find things interesting anymore. All of it seems so mechanical, so robotic, so clerical. I hate repetition and all things that are non-challenging.

I’m not saying that I don’t find things challenging, especially with a course like mine. Fuck. Speaking of my course, I’m hating how my mom’s guilt tripping me on finishing me double course and not really getting how I feel about my accountancy. I mean, I do understand that she just wants the best for me and accountancy really is one of the best courses out there. I just don’t understand why she can’t accept the fact that I don’t like accountancy. I want to study Advertising. I know some people might say, it’s for the elite of the upper to high-middle class section of the society but why can’t I at least try? Am I not talented enough? I don’t think so, since she herself said that I do have some talent but she just won’t accept that I want to shift. It frustrates me to know that I can’t become someone that I’ve already pictured myself doing in, let’s say 5-10 years from now.

I’m sorry for ranting. I just couldn’t help expressing myself and just typing away. Anyway, so there. That’s basically what’s been boggling my mind for the past few weeks. I hope you guys are okay and thank you for still being here, as my followers and confidant. I love you guys, even though I don’t know some of you personally and we are miles and miles apart. Thank you my dear followers and good night, or good morning to those that are in a different time zone! :)


xxx
Renee

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Kisses,
Renee ♥

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